Sunday, December 27, 2009

What I Need

Posted via web from anya1976's posterous

Maher on Polanski plus New Rules

Posted via web from anya1976's posterous

A Case of Morals

I have to say i pretty much agree with everything he says about Roman Polanski here.

Posted via web from anya1976's posterous

another damn dream

I just woke up from another dream about my ex. Seriously wtf is my subconscious trying to tell me.
It's really starting to get annoying. I need someone else to dream about for cryin' out loud.
Maybe the cough medicine and the sinus stuff I took are the culprit for this dream. It wasn't a bad dream mind you but it was still a dream about him.
Ok I just wanted to post really quick cus I am going to try going back to sleep now.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Lasagna tastes better when it's left over

I don't know why it's better but it is.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


Love ya Johnny

Posted via web from anya1976's posterous

Monday, December 21, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Pathetic yes I know...

Ok for awhile now I have been thinking about my ex. The last time I talked to him was in July. Then he called me a week or so later and I ignored the call. I haven't heard from him since but the last couple months I've been thinking about him so much.
Generally I hear from him 3 to 6 months from when we stop talking for whatever reason.
In October is when I started thinking about him a lot. I mean TONS. Then one night late October after I had spent the day in Michigan at my Aunt's house I see a commercial for the discovery show Ghost Labs and he was on it.
I mean it was strange I had been thinking about him sooo much then his face is on my tv. I thought maybe I might hear from him because of that. I didn't. I don't know if I am really disappointed about that though.
Ok in all honesty he is one person I didn't want to keep in touch with after we broke up. He hurt me badly and I just wanted to heal. WELL that never happened because every few months he'd find a way to get in touch with me. It's been this way since we broke up in late 2000. It's been this way for a long time where just when I'd feel like I was really getting over him that he'd come back into my life and then something would happen and we'd have a break again so it's a constant state of turmoil and never any true closure.
I still do love him. I won't lie. I don't love the asshole he can be but there are good parts of him that he likes to cover up and THAT is the person I will probably always love.
Ok I am sure it's because it's the holidays that I am thinking about him even more. I am sad that maybe this last time was the last time I will ever talk to him. I know it's been a long time coming that this break should have been what 10 years ago instead of now but now is the time I am feeling sad about not talking to him.
I know I can't let him fuck with my emotions any more but of course it still hurts and is sad.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about this situation since most of my friends don't want to talk about him cus they pretty much hate him for the crap he's pulled with me over the years. I can't really blame them though. He's pulled major shit with me, I admit that.
He was probably my truest love. I never expected to fall him but I did and fell hard.
Last year when we were talking again he had said he still loved me, this really haunts me. Did he mean it? Was that all bullshit? This is what I think about every day lately. I know I shouldn't.
I won't be calling him no matter how much I want to. Believe me I've come soo close to calling him, but stop myself.
I know no one reads this blog and I don't really get all that personal on it for the most part but this is the blog I can be the most honest well besides some of the stuff I post on my one tumblr account. The songs,lyrics,movie quotes are all feelings I've had for him.
He once told me I speak in songs. When I couldn't find the words, I'd be sending him songs to listen to that explained or said how I pretty much felt. Songs can say much more than I ever could. It was just easier to send him some beautiful music to tell him how I felt. Music to me can reach a person so much deeper than just words or a letter. I have whole playlists of songs I've sent him that mean so much to me.. of course all sappy make you cry your eyes out songs.
Ok before I ramble any more I should stop. I haven't been to sleep yet and it's almost 10am sunday morning.
Why do I always totally fuck up my sleep schedule on weekends?? Then I spend the rest of the week trying to fix it just to fuck it all up again.

Monday, December 07, 2009

The Libertine - ending

epilogue speech..

The Libertine - beginning

the prologue speech

The Libertine Trailer

During the Paris premiere of Public Enemies in...Image via Wikipedia

I love this movie, Johnny Depp is wonderful in it

Friday, December 04, 2009

Beautiful Girls - Rosie O'Donnell

Beautiful Girls

Gina: I'm finished speaking to both of you okay? You're both fucking insane. You want to know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you, ok? Girls with big tits have big asses. Girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't fuck around; he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you.
[Looking at a porn magazine]
Gina: Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that?
Tommy: I could go along with that.
Gina: Yeah, that's nice right? Well, it doesn't exist ok. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a fucking weave ok? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits by design were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being too unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, hi bob, and our cellulite feel somehow inadequate. Well I don't buy it, all right? But you fucking mooks, if you think that if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're going to decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you going to find a cheerleader? Charge it Mitch.
Tommy: I think you're over simplifying.
Gina: Oh eat me. Look at Paul. With his models on the wall, his dog named Elle McPherson. He's insane. He's obsessed. You're all obsessed. If you had an once of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her.
Tommy: Yeah, I suppose I'd get sick of her after about, what, twenty or thirty years?
Gina: Get over yourself. Thank you Mitch. Say hello to Gertrude.
Tommy: What?
Gina: No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other shit going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy.
Willie Conway: What was that?
Tommy: I don't know, but a great ass.
Willie Conway: Nice tits. Come on let's go.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

sad day in chicago history

photo by Einar Einarsson Kvaran for Our Lady o...Image via Wikipedia

Ok today is the anniversary of the Our Lady of the Angels school fire.
it's been 51 years since the fire.
My dad and aunt went to the school at the time of the fire. My Aunt was in the grade the ended up losing a lot of kids. She was actually supposed to have been in one of the classrooms that lost many many children. My grandparents had moved from the neighborhood but then moved back and my aunt wasn't in the room she should have been. She was due to be transferred into that classroom in a week or so. Her best friend Suzie was the worst burned and lived the longest after the fire. Suzie did end up passing away. My aunt has told me about the fire many times, she ended up staying after she got out of the school and witnessed some not so nice things. My dad was a year younger than her and went straight home he's never talked about it but anyone who knows my dad knows he never tells ANY stories about when he was a kid.
I read a book about the fire when i was in 3rd or 4th grade. A classmate (she was a bit older than my aunt) who was burned in the fire wrote a book called The Fire That Will Not Die (her name was Michele McBride in case anyone wants to look up the book it's back in print. I need to get it again I have no idea what happened to the two copies we had here) It's about her experiences as someone who was burned in the fire.
There is also another book called To Sleep With the Angels there is also a program called chicago stories on WTTW tonight (for those in chicagoland) that talks about the fire it's on one of the digital channels. On Comcast here in chicago it's on at 9pm on channel 243 if you don't have comcast it's on 11.2 (I think that's the from the OLAfire website they sent out an email about it being on.) I haven't been able to get thru the book Angels Too Soon it's just too sad but they do talk about the person who could be responsible for the fire. For a long time people blamed the janitor. My aunt has told me about the kid that they think did it. His family moved out of the neighborhood sometime after the fire.
The OLA fire site has pictures and lots of stuff on it. I've even found pictures of my dad and aunt with their classes in the photos and news area in the class photos area. Kinda weird to see my dad that little and in school lol.
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